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Post by Matthew Williams on Apr 24, 2010 17:42:21 GMT -5
Matt laughed a dry cynical laugh touched with pain. Had it been that long ago he would have said the same thing? Yeah Al needed him but could he be there? He pauses his hand movments and looked into kiku's eyes, and for the first time let the pretend warmth drop just a little, his eyes going flat.
"I can't be there for him though, not emotionally at least, thought I want to." He winces as pain shoots through his arm. "But I can't due to a lot of things."
'Not that I would want to' he amended, letting himself feel another pain to his arm. "Is it better to be there and not be able to care? Or should I just step away, let his other friends fill my space? I could hurt him more by my deception."
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Post by Kiku Honda on Apr 24, 2010 18:27:17 GMT -5
....This was going somewhere. Somewhere deep and unknown to Kiku. He couldn't help but notice the change in the Charm Professor's tone of voice. Kiku had a feeling that he should step back, because he himself never had such a friend to relate to. However, something kept him from doing as he usually did. The room fell into silence as Kiku exhaled slowly.
"...I'm sorry to say, that I'm afraid I dont feel qualified to answer that question." He replied finally, a troubled smile on his face. "I have always been one to step back from a relationship when people I hold dear find someone they seem to be interested in....."
"...though as of late, I also have begun to think that my way of thinking is not only careless to myself for trying to run away from jealousy..but also careless upon how others feel.....because, as much as I'd like to think that it's for the better of others..I also have a nagging feeling in the back of my head that I'm doing this all for...myself......ultimately......I'm sorry. It seems I have also spoken a little too much." He raised a hand to his face, blushing softly in embarrassment.
It's not like he ever had a friend like that.
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Post by Matthew Williams on Apr 24, 2010 18:43:25 GMT -5
Matt leans back. "You have spoken just enough." his voice is warming and he settles back. "I too have that feeling sometimes, but its is not that way. " He reaches out toward the box of chocolates and takes one.
"You had no reason to come here, you could have easily refused. Yet you came."
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Post by Kiku Honda on Apr 24, 2010 19:40:40 GMT -5
"....well....yes." Kiku's smile stiffened, watching Matthew take the chocolate. "I did come here to socialize..." The soft blush on his cheeks darkened, accentuating his face. At least he TRIED and attempted to do something different for once. "I-well.....I thought it was only..er..I'm terribly sorry;;" He stammered quietly, forgetting his train of thought. He was damn well embarrassed.
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Post by Matthew Williams on Apr 24, 2010 19:43:16 GMT -5
Matt smiles and quickly eats the chocolate. "You have nothing to apologize for. Kiku you socialize wonderfully, I am just not the best...." he tried to stay polite.
"I have issues, Al included. So please forgive me for not being the best host."
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Post by Kiku Honda on Apr 24, 2010 20:34:45 GMT -5
"........Thank you," was all Kiku was about to conjure from his mouth. "You're a wonderful host....it may be selfish and strange for me to say so, but, I believe I have just found my first friend here...in Hogwarts." He smiled, his features relaxing a little as he shrugged his shoulders.
"Everyone has issues, Mr. Williams."
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Post by Matthew Williams on Apr 24, 2010 20:49:09 GMT -5
Matt smiles. "Ineed you have found him. "
He poured himself some more tea.
"You want to hear mine?" he asked quietly, still politely. He had an idea.
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Post by Kiku Honda on Apr 24, 2010 20:54:08 GMT -5
He looked down at his cup in embarrassment again, at the confirmed response. The idea of having a friend tickled him. A friend. How....wonderful it sounded. He had finished the rest of the tea, when Matthew added to his comment.
Stopping for a moment, Kiku's lips parted from his cup as he tilted his head. "Your issues...?" He questioned, looking at the other thoughtfully before adding a timid nod. "I won't be able to promise you to be able to say anything back to what you are about to expose, neither do I have any sort of thing that's gone on in my life which would be of your interest I could tell you in reply as compensation...But I do have my ears open. Please, continue."
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Post by Matthew Williams on Apr 24, 2010 20:56:16 GMT -5
Matt turns and pours the tea for Kiku. "You don't need to, a good friend listens and lets the other express himself rather than flaunt his skills at solving the problem." He leans back.
"I had a crush on Al when I was in School." he began slowly.
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Post by Kiku Honda on Apr 24, 2010 21:01:53 GMT -5
Kiku could only nod at Mathew's words explaining friendship. He relaxed in his chair also, seeing that the other had begun to try to make himself comfortable. The most he could do, was make himself comfortable as well, for the other to be able to speak his thoughts satisfyingly.
The words he heard next, weren't as shocking as Kiku thought they would be. He blinked a few times, before nodding. It was understandable, coming together in his mind as he recalled the words Matthew would use when he would describe Alfred Jones. Yes, it was understandable that he liked him back then........only back then? "Alright.." Kiku smiled, gently urging the other to continue on.
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Post by Matthew Williams on Apr 24, 2010 21:07:05 GMT -5
Matt sighs "Al was gayer than the day was long, but he never got it, so when I developed a crush I kinda had to bury it. I pretended so long I forgot I was pretending." His voice was light and airy
Maybe if he kept the discussion polite and with out emotion he could tell someone even a little more about himself.
"When we graduated I left quickly and went canada, where I met Jesse.'
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Post by Kiku Honda on Apr 24, 2010 21:17:58 GMT -5
The words the spilled from Matthew's lips formed into images in Kikus mind....Ahh, it was exactly why he didn't want to make friends.
Children never had a wall between friendship and crushes. If you were close with a couple of lucky mishaps..anyone could generally fall in love. And to Kiku, love was blinding and too risky a chance to take for...anything. Not to mention his phobia was at it's peak back then. He subconsciously furrowed his brows while listening, trying to take in the information and kept quiet.
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Post by Matthew Williams on Apr 24, 2010 21:21:59 GMT -5
Matt paused. "Jesse was older, suave, and looked a lot like Al. My crush at that point, buried in my soul, had turned into a rose bush of love." He kept his voice clinical. "So when Jesse told me he loved me, and I knew Al was too busy with fangirls, I setted for the next best thing."
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Post by Kiku Honda on Apr 25, 2010 1:30:52 GMT -5
He nodded. It was understandable how Matthew went for someone who loved him back, regardless of Alfred being his one true desire.....especially if this Jesse looked very much like Alfred, it probably itched at the heart-broken boy's soul until he broke in.
"..and then?"
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Post by Matthew Williams on Apr 25, 2010 14:56:14 GMT -5
Matt sighed. "Things did not go well." he felt the itch at the back of his throat warning him. He winced and attempted a more neutral path of comments.
"Jesse was not the man I thought he was. "
The itching subsided but waited like an alerted guard dog.
"He is the reason I can not be their now for Al. When he died I thought I would get better but it just got worse."
The itching stirred but then seemed to think better. Matt hoped the other could guess because this was as close to telling his issues as he could come.
"I want to be... Al's friend, Even if he has chosen another but what has happened prevents me. What happen prevents me from doing many things."
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Post by Kiku Honda on Apr 25, 2010 16:02:58 GMT -5
"..................That's one....life to go through." Kiku said, defeated. "I see that well....alright. I understand..but." He raised his hand to cup his own cheek, deep in thought.
"There should be a way to resolve your current...well, preventing you from doing a lot of things." Kiku opened his mouth to add furthermore that surely, being a friend wouldn't be something that was prevented..or was him being Kiku's friend not part of the issue...? Finding flaw in the other's words, Kiku smiled, "a moment.." and resumed into thought.
He had nothing to do with the curse. Then what. Alfred. What had Jesse done to Matthew..in this part of the world, almost anything was possible. "..I would have supposed that you could go to the Ministry..well....nevermind." He rolled his eyes at his own words. Fah.
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Post by Matthew Williams on Apr 25, 2010 16:16:56 GMT -5
Matt sighed. "I have... They can do nothing." He shifted. "Thank you for listening to my complaining my friend."
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Post by Kiku Honda on Apr 25, 2010 17:20:51 GMT -5
Kiku smiled comfortingly. "I guess this is what friends are for..?" He scratched his flushed cheek nervously. Friends. The word tickled his stomach, but not was not the time. "I am open whenever you want to just converse, Mr. Will...Matthew."
Looking up at the clock Kiku noticed how late the time seemed to suddenly be. "I think I will retire to my room for the night..It really was enjoyable talking to you, making my first friend.." A friendly smile played at his lips, Kiku raised his face and looked straight at the other. Not something he was used to, but it was a good change.
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Post by Matthew Williams on Apr 25, 2010 17:26:07 GMT -5
Matthew smiles and places the Beaver to the floor, glad the other seemed fine. He looked him in the eyes. "It was enjoyable talking to you Kiku. I am honored to be your first friend. " he stood and walked Kiku to the door before summoning a map. It was an interesting piece of paper, with a map of hogwarts that shifted as the school did.
"here use this, return it to me once you get used to the place." He pushes it in Kikus hands "Have a good night Kiku."
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Post by Kiku Honda on Apr 25, 2010 17:42:54 GMT -5
"T-Thank you." He stammered, looking at the map. It was just the thing he needed to get to know his way around the floors. "Good night, Matthew." He bowed his head slightly before disappearing behind the doors. And practically ran back to his quarters.
Closing his doors safely behind him, Kiku exhaled deeply and looked at the map. How hilarious it was for him to be so excited over a...a friend. "I guess I must thank Hogwarts for making my life for the better." Kiku smiled gently at the parchment before stretching his back and retiring to his bedroom.
It was going to be a long, but rather enjoyable life ahead of him while being here.
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